Behind the Mask: Unveiling Narcissism
Narcissistic behaviour can infiltrate various aspects of our lives—be it in romantic relationships, family ties, friendships, or workplace dynamics. Initially, those exhibiting narcissistic traits may come across as charming, supportive, and attentive, often leaving you with the impression that they are “too good to be true.”
However, as relationships deepen, the facade often begins to crack, revealing a troubling pattern of manipulation. You might find yourself facing tactics such as gaslighting, projection, triangulation and guilt-tripping, which can create confusion and self-doubt.
NPD vs. Narcissistic Behaviour
The DSM-5 defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.” This pattern of behaviour onsets in early adulthood and persists through various contexts”. Narcissism is a trait. It is possible to have narcissistic traits and not meet the criteria for NPD.
Narcissists can display either covert or overt behaviours. Covert narcissists may present as vulnerable or shy, but they can subtly manipulate emotions to maintain control. In contrast, overt narcissists are more blatant in their self-centeredness and entitlement.
It is important to hold compassion for yourself if you find yourself in a situation where you are being abused psychologically by a narcissist. Narcissists often prey on qualities such as empathy, those who are nurturers, forgivers, and those who avoid confrontation traits that are typically seen as strengths in other contexts.
No Blame: Recognizing Your Experience
If you find yourself in a harmful relationship, remember that the blame does not lie with you. Understanding this can be liberating.
What to Do Next
- Seek Therapy: Finding a therapist can be a powerful step in your healing journey. Therapy is beneficial regardless of your relationship’s nature and can provide you with insights about yourself and a plan for self-care.
- Educate Yourself: Familiarise yourself with the signs of toxic or abusive relationships through reputable online resources, such as Speak Your Truth. Knowledge is empowering and can help you identify unhealthy dynamics.
- Set Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is vital for protecting your mental health. Boundaries are clear expectations about how you wish to be treated. Start small if the idea of setting boundaries feels daunting. Consider boundaries around your thoughts, personal space, privacy, finances, belongings, consent in sexual relationships, and the time you dedicate to others.
- Talk to Someone You Trust: If you’re in a relationship that feels harmful, confiding in someone you trust can provide perspective. Narcissistic relationships can distort your sense of self, making you feel like the problem. A supportive friend or family member can help you see things more clearly or simply provide a listening ear.
Written by Emily Carreiro BSW, MSW, RSW and Nicole Furey BSW, MSW, RSW
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